My Very Important Emmy Recap

It's just me, my camera photos of the TV screen, popcorn, and lofty expectations of one of my favorite nights of the year. Let the recapping commence!

And someone get me the name of Julianna's hot arm candy.


Best Lines of the Night

Melissa McCarthy, when asked how she does it all answered: "Stop sleeping. And booze."

Ross Matthews (who is very gay) asked Matt Bomer if he could come to the Magic Mike 2 set (which is very full of hot naked dudes) to "inspect for authenticity." 

Seth, commenting on shows that had ended this season like Breaking Bad, Dexter, and How I Met Your Mother, said, "Of those three shows, I wouldn't have expected Mother to be the saddest. 'Pinkman lived, Dexter lived, but your mother didn't make it. Sleep tight!'"

Seth: "Our first presenter asked to write her own introduction, so welcome my beautiful, talented friend, Beyonce!" Amy Poehler then gyrated her way to the stage and said, "I'm here to present the award for Best Orgasm in a Civil War Reenactment." And for a second, I kind of believed her.

Mindy Kaling, presenting the award for Best Reality Series: "Reality shows are the things you make your husband watch with you before you have sex."

Ricky Gervais: "When you've come a long way, they let you do the big one. So here are the nominees for Outstanding Writing for a Variety Series."


Best Looks of the Night


1. Taylor Schilling

She's got this Grecian goth thing going with the dress, the sexy side-boob tattoo, and an ear cuff because of course.

2. Heidi Klum

When she hit the red carpet, I gasped. She's a big whoa. Crazy beautiful, and coral and emerald should go together forever and always. She also turned the E! mani cam (more on that later) into a twerk cam. Only Heidi can be that sassy and still not be annoying. 

3. Julia Louis-Dreyfus

Can I cash in my getting-old chips to look like Julia? She's so classy and age-appropriate and hilarious and gorgeous, and she out-redded Claire Danes, January Jones, Christina Hendricks, and every other young actress in the most popular red carpet color. Julia wins life.

4. Lizzy Caplan

She's the first person who made me speak out loud. "Oh, wow," I said and then couldn't take my eyes from the screen. 

5. Julia Roberts

No one should be allowed to age this well and have legs like a college freshman. 

6. Kristen Wiig

STOP IT. She's flawless and stunning. And on the red carpet when asked if she was presenting, she said, "No, I'm just going to watch. With my mouth slightly open the whole time." Then adjusted her boobs a little, and I love her.

Also Julie Bowen wins the award for wearing a dress that made me think I needed an eye exam.

Best Bits of the Night

Jimmy Kimmel Busts on Matthew McConaughey

Jimmy Kimmel, on stage to present an award, instead auditioned for his next hosting gig by ripping Mr. Stoned Suave for two minutes.

What is McConaughey doing here? He doesn't even own a TV! He traded it for a conch shell full of weed. [MM yells from the audience, That was Woody!] Sure, it was Woody. I mean alright alright alright already. McConaughey has a movie star face, not a TV face. Where's Ricky? [camera cuts to a surprised Ricky Gervais] Now that's a tv face! Actually a Netflix face. [Kimmel looks back to MM] Now take your bongos and your tea tree oil and get outta here. And take Julia Roberts with you!

Julia Louis-Dreyfus and Bryan Cranston Make Out

When they presented an award together early in the show, Julia laughed at how Bryan looked like a guy she dated on Seinfeld, the dentist who converted to Judaism for the jokes. When Bryan said that was him and that they even made out a little, she ignored him and moved on. The chemistry was riveting, and Julia can do more comedy with the side of her mouth than most people can do with their entire body. 

Awhile later, she won the Emmy. Of course. On her way to the stage, Bryan grabbed her, and this happened. 

Seth and Amy Practice Introducing Matthew McConaughey and Woody Harrelson

A few of their opening lines.

  • Please welcome two men who also have no idea what happened at the end of True Detective!
  • Please welcome two gentlemen who are always menu items at marijuana dispensaries.
  • Please welcome two gentlemen who seem like they'd be chatty in the sack.
  • The only actors in Hollywood not rumored to be starring in season two of True Detective, Matthew McConaughey and Woody Harrelson!

Then they came out in these matching color-blocked suits like they were in Night at the Roxbury and exchanged witty, inside joke banter while the rest of us wondered how many joints they'd already smoked.

Billy Eichner Video Bit

Just watch it. It's brilliant and amazing.

Weird Al Does TV Theme Songs

Sung to the tune of the Mad Men theme: "Jon Hamm has never won an Emmy. Oh, who cares? He's still Jon freaking Hamm!"

Homeland: "Beautiful woman. Ugly crying. Inigo Montoya grew a beard."

Game of Thrones: "Here come dragons galore and some boobs. And to be fair, there's way more boobs. Don't get attached to a certain guy. (Have a backup have a backup have a backup.) Type, George. Type. We need more scripts. (Write them faster write them faster write them faster.) [Then they rolled out a typewriter and gave it to George R. R. Martin who was sitting in the audience.]

The video isn't up yet. If you get a chance, see it even though my recap was clearly musically accurate.

*update* And now just watch the thing.

Best Sweet Moments

Jim Parsons' Acceptance Speech

I've never liked the guy. Or the character. Definitely not his show. I just don't get it. Also, he's taken away far too many Emmy awards from Steve Carell. Just stop it already.

I was zero surprised when he beat out some of the most groundbreaking performers comedy knows today, but that surprise flipped when he gave his speech. He thanked the other nominees for being divergent and doing things he could never do and sometimes would never do, said he admires them and their courage. Then he said that he realized there's no accounting for taste.

He copped to it, agreeing with a lot of us who don't understand why he keeps winning, that his performance is, sure, great and funny, but not risky like the rest. But he said so with class and dignity and humility, and now I hate Sheldon a little less.

In Memoriam

Sara Bareilles sang Smile with simplicity and emotion, and ohmyword she's beautiful.

We lost a lot of legends this year - Philip Seymour Hoffman, Peter O'Toole, Lauren Bacall, James Garner, Elaine Stritch, Mickey Rooney, Joan Fontaine, Maya Angelou... and Robin Williams was the final frame.

Then Billy Crystal gave a misty tribute to his friend, and we were all weep-laughing. It's still hard to believe that Robin is gone, and it was lovely and heartbreaking to be reminded from the heart of his dear friend what we truly lost.

Seth Meyers Being Kind Always

He signed autographs on the red carpet. He looked lovingly at his wife in a way that is impossible to fake. He heard a multitude of questions about which shows and actors would get slammed, and he answered that none would. Because Seth Meyers is a good guy and can be funny without hurting people's feelings. 

Best Takeaways

  • Conan O'Brien gave Louis C.K. his first job on television.
  • Jodie Foster - THE Jodie Foster - was nominated for directing an episode of Orange Is the New Black. Did you guys knows this?!
  • Julianna Margulies' shoulder blades can cut glass.
  • Jon Hamm is all kinds of sexy all kinds of ways.
  • Some of the women on the red carpet (Natalie Dormer, Jessica Pare, Alexandra Daddario) all had a lip twitch while they were posing. Because they couldn't decide if they were going to smile, pout, fish face, duck face, or ignore the camera altogether. It was oddly terrifying.
  • Andy Samberg needs to be the sidekick to everything forever and always.

Best of the Stupid, i.e. the E! network

The Mani Cam

Let's talk about how this mani cam is all kinds of ridiculous. Famous ladies walk their hands down a tiny runway, equipped with cameras and lights, to show off their nails and their bling. The actresses don't seem too keen, but the E! people are highly invested. And if that wasn't enough, this year they added the clutch cam - a bedazzled lazy susan of opulence and tackiness that showcases every clutch that passes through. Because it's not the Emmys until I see Debra Messing's tiny purse spin in a circle. 

Giuliana Rancic

Giuliana has a hard job. You talk to the most famous people in the country about their clothes and try to strike a rapport without acting like you're besties. I couldn't do it. Most of us probably couldn't. But, ladies and gentlemen, Giuliana can't either. A few of her best moments...

  • Geeking out over interviewing Gwen Stefani, Giuliana tried to be cool. When Gwen said her dress was made from real crystals, Giuliana responded, "That is so dope." And we toooootally believed her street cred.
  • She interviewed the aforementioned comic genius, Julia Louis-Dreyfus. And bombed. Hard. That woman can feed off the energy of a cardboard box, but all Giuliana would give her was "This color is gorgeous! What is that a fuchsia?" "No, it's more of a raspberry. With a burgundy belt." Riveting reporting, G.
  • Enter Sarah Silverman, a lady who doesn't know any level but Level Blunt. Giuliana said, "You're dressed like a nominee!" and then pointed the unnecessary microphone at Sarah. Who then responded, "You can't just put the microphone in front of me without asking a question! All you said was, 'You're dressed like a nominee!'" And I cheered. Then Giuliana diverted the awkward to the mani cam which was a fail because Sarah didn't get a manicure because her hands are "working hands." It was sad watching Giuliana get scared by Sarah while simultaneously "putting her in her place" by calling Sarah unprepared for the red carpet because she didn't know the name of her clutch designer. Y'all. It was painful. And of course they ended the conversation with Giuliana giving a sincere, "Love you! Bye, sweetie!" like she was Sarah's mom sending her off to the bus stop. Just... let's not.

(Also Ross Mathews needs to do all the celebrity interviews. Fire everyone else.)


Best Punch-The-Air Moments

These are personal taste, of course, but Sherlock and Breaking Bad were rockstars. And I made noises and threw excited fists in the sky when they won things.

Both Benedict Cumberbatch and Martin Freeman won acting Emmys, but neither was there to accept. The only thing that makes the second part okay is the first part. Barely. The show won for writing, too. Hooray and hurry along with season four pleaseandthankyou.

And Breaking Bad won everything. As it should. Because it's the greatest piece of television I've ever seen. Lots of air punches, especially over Aaron Paul. He was a genius in that final season, and I was irrationally excited that he won.

Best Emmy Tweets On My Feed

Oh yeah because Gwen Stefani, announcing the winner of Outstanding Variety Series, said "Cole-bore Report" instead of "Cole-Bear Report." Gwen and John Travolta should hang out.


Finally The Complete List of Winners We Mostly Care About


The Big Bang Theory
Modern Family
Orange Is the New Black
Silicon Valley


Breaking Bad
Downton Abbey
Game of Thrones
House of Cards
Mad Men
True Detective 


Bryan Cranston // Breaking Bad
Kevin Spacey // House of Hards
Jon Hamm // Mad Men
Jeff Daniels // The Newsroom
Woody Harrelson // True Detective
Matthew McConaughey // True Detective


Michelle Dockery // Downton Abbey
Julianna Margulies // The Good Wife
Claire Danes // Homeland
Robin Wright // House of Cards
Lizzy Caplan // Masters of Sex
Kerry Washington // Scandal


Chiwetel Ejiofor // Dancing on the Edge
Martin Freeman // Fargo
Billy Bob Thorton // Fargo
Idris Elba // Luther
Mark Ruffalo // The Normal Heart
Benedict Cumberbatch // Sherlock


Jessica Lange // American Horror Story: Coven
Sarah Paulson // American Horror Story: Coven
Helena Bonham Carter // Burton and Taylor
Minnie Driver // Return to Zero
Kristen Wiig // The Spoils of Babylon
Cicely Tyson // The Trip to Bountiful


Jim Parsons // The Big Bang Theory
Ricky Gervais // Derek
Matt LeBlanc // Episodes
Don Cheadle // House of Lies
Louis CK // Louie
William H. Macy // Shameless


Lena Dunham // Girls
Melissa McCarthy // Mike & Molly
Edie Falco // Nurse Jackie
Taylor Schilling // Orange Is the New Black
Amy Poehler // Parks and Recreation
Julia Louis-Dreyfus // Veep


American Horror Story: Coven
Bonnie & Clyde
The White Queen

TV Movie

Killing Kennedy
Muhammad Ali's Greatest Fight
The Normal Heart
Sherlock: His Last Vow
The Trip to Bountiful


The Colbert Report
The Daily Show with Jon Stewart
Jimmy Kimmel Live
Real Time with Bill Maher
Saturday Night Live
The Tonight Star Starring Jimmy Fallon


Aaron Paul // Breaking Bad
Jim Carter // Downton Abbey
Peter Dinklage // Game of Thrones
Josh Charles // The Good Wife
Mandy Patinkin // Homeland
Jon Voight // Ray Donovan


Anna Gunn // Breaking Bad
Maggie Smith // Downton Abbey
Joanna Froggatt // Downton Abbey
Lena Headey // Game of Thrones
Christine Baranski // The Good Wife
Christina Hendricks // Mad Men


Andre Braugher // Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Adam Driver // Girls
Jesse Tyler Ferguson // Modern Family
Ty Burrell // Modern Family
Fred Armisen // Portlandia
Tony Hale // Veep


Mayim Bialik // The Big Bang Theory
Julie Bowen // Modern Family
Allison Janney // Mom
Kate Mulgrew // Orange Is the New Black
Kate McKinnon // Saturday Night Live
Anna Chlumsky // Veep


That's all, folks. Now me and my carpel tunnel are going to bed.

How to Watch the Emmys Like a Pro

1. No distractions.

This includes children, husbands with questions about said children, the sound on your phone, hunger pains (see #2), and anything else that might make you miss very important moments like ALL OF THEM. Do whatever you can to create your Emmy bubble, and make sure all your people respect the bubble.

2. Food within reach and in excess.

Because we were led astray by Lorelai Gilmore who could eat junk for days and still avoid stomach rolls, you'll enjoy yourself more if your snacks are fun and satisfying but not ones that will give you a food-shame hangover the next morning. 

  • popcorn
  • dark chocolate squares
  • frozen grapes

Choose foods that will stand up to a three hour telecast, are immensely satisfying, are plentiful, but that won't make you feel like a whale by 9pm. We're in this for the long haul, so be smart.

3. Pick winners before the show airs.

It's an amateur move to make your choices as the category is announced. It takes away from the joy of choosing because you'll change midway or choose based on applause or do the whole "Oh, that's what I meant to say!" when your choice doesn't win. Be cool, and pick ahead of time. Your investment is greater, and so is the reward. 

Download this ballot, and guess like a pro.

4. Sink deep into your fangirl.

This is the time to fly the flag with gusto. No embarrassment over ogling Jon Hamm or pausing the TV when Benedict Cumberbatch smiles at the camera or tearing up the tiniest bit because Minnie Driver is so damn beautiful... no shame. Embrace your crazy, and you'll have more fun.

Optional: add Twitter to your viewing experience. There are some stellar funny people out there who will live-Tweet the show and remind you that you're not the only one who's obsessed. A few favorites... @NickFlora, @AaronFullerton, @ElizaBayne, and @alexbaze.

5. Maximize your sleep.

Take a nap this afternoon, or at least recruit your significant other or oldest kid to get everyone going in the morning. Around a 10pm commercial, go ahead and brush your teeth and wash your face. You think I'm joking. Do everything you can during commercials or boring speeches and tributes that will help you get in bed the second the show is over and go to sleep. Amateurs don't plan ahead and then are up another hour after doing the routines and fixing the lunches and such. You, my friend, are no amateur. Not anymore.

The 66th Primetime Emmy Awards
Hosted by the adorably perfect Seth Meyers

You'll get my recap tomorrow. Fangirl it up, y'all. This is our Super Bowl. 

Check out my recap of last year's Oscars to get yourself in the spirit of evaluating famous people like a champ.

Last Weekend When I Turned Fourteen Watching Pitch Perfect

Last weekend, I babysat my sweet niece. She was asleep within 20 minutes of my getting there, so I spent the next four hours with premium movie channels and frozen cookie dough. You teenagers have a really sweet deal. 

I turned on the TV half an hour into the movie Pitch Perfect. I've never seen it because I'm emotionally allergic to a cappella, but my movie-savvy sister said it was great. So I gave it a try. 

I watched it three times in 24 hours, not including the clips on YouTube every second a child wasn't needing me to slice apples or clean pee off the floor. I have a new obsession, and I want to be a Barden Bella now MAKE IT HAPPEN.

Sometimes when you see a movie trailer, you've basically seen the movie. (See: Gravity.) Not this movie. The trailer captures it perfectly, so if you like this, you'll love the actual movie. It just scratches the a cappella surface.

When you're a teenager, you're supposed to be obsessed with unimportant things; it's part of growing up and being awkward and weird. But when you're in your 30s? I'm not supposed to think of the funny thing I can say on Anna Kendrick's Instagram photo to get her to notice me or how I might mash up my kids' Sesame Street songs with Beyonce and Mumford & Sons or how cookie dough just needs to be a food group (this is actually a real thing always).

In shameful addition, I still crush on celebrities and have homework to do and get acne, so if we're playing Are You Really a Teenager? then I win life forever. 

Three things I've learned in my very teenage weekend:

  1. Being a teenager is fun, and junk food is everywhere. 
  2. Pitch Perfect is fantastic, and I will wear a homemade fangirly shirt to the premiere of the sequel.
  3. You guys are special to me. Why? You like me like this. I can make you laugh because I'm dumb and fourteen, and you guys are delightful as you show me your fourteen year-old selves, too. We engage in our mutual silliness, and my days - and I hope yours - are better for it.

Enjoy being silly this weekend, friends. I hope it's filled with movie channels and cookie dough, and if you're going to a riff-off fortheLOVE let me come.

What I Read This Summer When Nothing Was On TV

Because reading is only an option when TV isn't. 

I kid I kid. I actually read while I'm watching TV. 

I adore books. Sometimes they intersect with my life in ways that change me. TV shows and movies rarely affect me as deeply as books can. 

I thought I'd share with you what I read this summer because I'm all about book recommendations and thought you might be, too. 

1. THE MEMOIR PROJECT by Marion Roach Smith

I asked my girl, Emily, who is a brilliant writer and published author, what book she'd recommend to help improve the craft of writing. She immediately recommended this book even though it's focused on memoir writing. 

A lot of bloggers are writing memoir in some form, and this book is sharp, specific, and doesn't waste a word. I first read it from the library and then ordered it before I was even finished reading, knowing it would be a reference book for years. 

If you write, read The Memoir Project



Sometimes we need a new perspective on productivity, and we always need encouragement to take time to be creative. This book brings those two ideas together, helping creative people develop and grow ideas that are always at the ready. 

It's written for folks in creative professions and for those who need to call upon creativity in a standardized workplace. The subtitle is "how to be brilliant at a moment's notice," and I've found relevant systems and ideas here that have enabled me to do that.

If your job requires ideas, read The Accidental Creative.


3. THE SCORCH TRIALS by James Dashner

This is the second book in The Maze Runner trilogy, and it has cemented my love for the Young Adult genre. (Because we all know I'm really fourteen.)

A lot of dystopian series depend on each other to create a sense of place. "Our readers have probably read Hunger Games, so let's just go with that." Not so with this series. The world is bizarre, unexpected, and totally unpredictable. Not a Panem crutch to be seen.

The writing is less engaging from a relationship standpoint than, say, Hunger Games or Legend, but the action is insanely fun. A page turner all the way. The first book, The Maze Runner, will be released as a movie next month, and I'm looking forward to seeing this bizarre world as a physical reality. Sadly, so is everyone else because I'm having to wait FOREVER to read the final book. Library waiting lists are no joke. 

If you like YA dystopian novels, read The Maze Runner trilogy.


4. THE WARDEN AND THE WOLF KING by Andrew Peterson

This book wins the awards for Kendra's Favorite Book Ever (unseating C.S. Lewis' Till We Have Faces by a narrow margin) and Most Likely to Make Kendra Weep Beyond Recognition. 

The fourth and final book in the series The Wingfeather SagaThe Warden and the Wolf King brings this epic story of childhood adventure and wonder to a close. Frankly, I don't want to tell you anything about it because the act of discovery is vital. It's written by the singer-songwriter, Andrew Peterson, so if you have any love for his music, you'll lose your face over his books.

If you like Narnia, Harry Potter, or simply are a decent human being, read all four books in The Wingfeather SagaAaaaand I'm crying again just thinking about it.


5. THE NESTING PLACE by Myquillin Smith

The Nester is beloved and lovely and a real-life friend, so it was fun to enjoy this book as much as I did. Yes, she's a brilliant decorator and ridiculously creative, but more than that, she gives you a new way to see your home. She gives you a fish and teaches you to fish and also puts the fish on your wall and laughs with you when it falls off. Easy, lighthearted, but purposeful in a way only The Nester can be, this book will make you brave in your home.

Packed with photos, tips, and stories to encourage and entertain, The Nesting Place is, in my opinion, the one decorating book you should have to the exclusion of all others. Don't library wait list this one because a) you'll have to wait four years and b) you'll look through it again and again. 

If you want to love your home, read The Nesting Place.


What about you? Any good book recommendations from your summer reading?

The Battle Wages: Cupcakes vs. James McAvoy

Let's talk about obsession for a sec.

When something busts your brain open, you can't stop, right? You'll take it however, whenever, wherever. If you've ever played Candy Crush, you get it. 

If you are unfamiliar with my obsession for James McAvoy, you obviously are new here. Welcome, friend. 

Ummmm, he's kind of a big deal around these parts. 

The Year of James McAvoy happened in 2007. After he SLAYED ME in Becoming Jane, I binged on every movie he'd made up to that point, manipulating my way into three free Netflix trials to access them all. Don't judge. I didn't say I was proud of it. 


The brooding. His heart in torment. And those EYES. They hold so many secrets. 

I watched every movie, every interview, bought every magazine that contained his face. I secretly hoped he'd get a gig as a spokesmen for detergent or something just so I could see him on TV while I watched football. 

I never thought I'd fall down that obsessive rabbit hole again. But oh man have I ever. Except this time not with a person.

I've always been fundamentally against cupcakes. Eating one with a fork seems superfluous, but literally sinking your teeth into The Icing Mountain is unacceptable. The whole icing under the lip thing? Don't shake your head at me; you know exactly what I'm talking about. A slice of cake, please, amen. 

But cupcakes are beloved and everywhere, kind of like Channing Tatum, and despite my personal feelings for them, it's time to grow up and give them a real try. (We'll see if that ever happens with Channing.)

You guys, I've baked probably eight dozen cupcakes in the last two weeks, and I CAN'T STOP. It's like James McAvoy all over again, and I'm exhilaratingly tired. 

The cake, the frosting, the decoration... you can make hundreds of cupcakes and never make the same one twice. Basic options, infinite combinations. And my Icing Mountains are Icing Hills. Sometimes Icing Pastures. 

Is it possible to be in love with a food? Because cupcakes have kicked up their flirting game with me, and I'm about ready to propose. Sorry, James. Star in the movie adaptation of Me Before You, and maybe you can get your top spot back.

It hurts my heart to say this, but in Kendra's Obsession Diary, cupcakes are beating James. WHAT IS HAPPENING SOMEONE TAKE MY SUGAR AWAY RIGHT NOW THIS WILL NOT STAND.

Also Nutella buttercream will bring world peace if we let it.

Aaaahhhh, there we go.

So let's hear it. What are you obsessed with?