There will of course be spoilers in three, two, one...
You saw the movie this weekend, right? And when you left the theater, you required drugs and a support group, right? Because OHMYWORD.
Favorite Moments That Won't Require Therapy
1. Haymitch is constantly in a toboggan.
I'm not ashamed to mention this a 37th time, but he was always wearing it because the world is a good place, full of love and beards and sass and wool. He also made me feel better about needing alcohol or narcotics; we were both feeling the pressure.
2. District 7 is full of super hot lumberjack dudes.
Screw those "Which District Are You?" quizzes. The only answer is District 7. Burly lumberjacks who rock their faded flannel and then climb trees like sexy monkeys.
3. I would pay mightily to have Boggs and Beetee keep me alive and also read me bedtime stories.
Strength. Intelligence. Consistency. Velvety smooth voices. No nighttime routine is complete without them. Wanna see if they'll adopt us?
4. Castor and Pollux are the brothers we always wanted.
Both are fantastic and have cool helmet cameras and beetle backpacks and need more screen time in Part Two.
5. I wanted to join the rebellion when the people started singing The Hanging Tree with our girl.
Have a listen. Chills for miles and days and always.
Crazy Moments That Will Require All the Therapy
All of Gale. All six and some feet of beautiful blue-eyed Gale. I'm Team Peeta, but Movie Gale is a force, man. When he watched her see Peeta for the first time, when he side-eyed her by that waterfall, how he threw himself on her to protect her from exploding buildings, when he went to save the guy who's cramping his love game... he's the stuff. And I'm still kind of emotional slash totally emotional about that "kissing" scene. "I'd have to be dead to forget that. And maybe not even then." All the wows, Tall Man. Also your jumpsuit wearing ability is astounding.
2. That thing when two story lines are cut together into one back-and-forth scene? The heart can't take it.
The quiet singing alongside the dam explosion. Finnick's video slash control room alongside the rescuing of Peeta. This movie really upped its game in terms of cinematic vision. We're done with regular ol' linear storytelling, you guys. It's big time now, complete with a genius James Newton Howard who plays our emotions like a damn violin.
3. Peeta is skinny and scary and THE CHOKING SCENE WHAT ON EARTH.
How can you know something is going to happen and still be completely unhinged when it happens? That choking scene. FortheLOVE. As it progressed, my hands and feet kept moving closer to my heart center, like I needed to protect my own soul from what was about it happen. Also I'm pretty sure Jennifer Lawrence actually died and they had to use shocker paddles to bring her back. I speak with zero authority here, but you know that scene was hard to shoot. Those two are best buds, and even if you're the kind of friends who joke around and drive each other crazy, you can't look forward to that kind of intensity. I'm still trying to get over it, and I might not until November 2015.
Which is how long we have to wait until Part Two life is not fair.
But Part One shall sustain us for awhile, my Mockingjay friends. Because it was stellar. Also freakishly intense. One of my movie friends always brings Twizzlers to stress-eat in case things go awry. Those Twizzlers were mighty active the last half hour of the movie because we all thought we were going to die.
But clearly we didn't go see the movie to watch annoying Prim (yep, I said it) pet that stupid cat or to listen to Effie (love her) make wig jokes. We went to join the rebellion, and man oh man was it awesome and stressful and I'm ready for more. Now. Plus, we need more than two seconds of Johanna.